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POSITIVE MIND
The Mind is like
a Sewer Part III
The beauty of this
process
The beauty of this
process is that it
is so simple, it
doesn't require any
effort and it is
available to all of
those who wish to
awaken to the great
abundance of Grace
direct from God.
Diksha is a transfer
of energy, a
phenomenon of Grace,
which creates an
opening through
which you can
experience the true
desires of your
heart: Love, God,
Joy, Peace, Healing…
directly and
completely.
Suffering is caused
by our own
resistance to
experiencing reality
'as it is'.
We are living the
illusion that there
actually exists "a
self" that can in
fact control this
reality.
Also being
programmed
genetically with a
fear of "death" also
limits us to
experiencing a type
of slavery to that
reality. When this
sense of 'self' and
separation
disappears is when
we truly begin to
actually live.
Diksha is a transfer
of Divine energy
which helps us to
disidentify from
conflict and
suffering,
taking us to states
of inner peace, joy,
happiness and
Oneness.
Diksha starts a
process of awakening
the Divine Presence
inside you,
taking you towards
Oneness enabling you
to see the reality
of what you are in
every moment,
healing your body,
your relationships,
and recognizing the
divinity in the
experience of the
present moment….
You, your freedom
and your liberation
is what is most
important to me.
This is an
experience from one
person who has
received Diksha:
I would like to
share the immense
joy I’m experiencing
these days... What
is clear is that the
process has
manifested itself
into a wonderful
state...
You find yourself
there with the
Divine in a
Whole-Oneness State,
where all dimensions
meet. And you see
your whole life
taking off, each
event in a string,
united like one drop
of water so closely
next to another in a
flowing river of
your life and then
all rushing together
like a water fall.
It is amazing,
absolute, and
unique.
Thank you, Ines.
A person who seeks
learning knows more
and more,
A person who seeks
enlightenment knows
less and less
until things just
are what they are.
Lao Tzu
The Mind is like
a Sewer Part III
by Kiara
Windrider
“The mind is like a
sewer. “We cover it
up with a golden
lid, but the stink
comes through
anyway. It fills the
entire house, but we
are so busy admiring
the golden lid that
we don’t perceive
it. We do not know
who we are. The lid
is composed of other
people’s concept of
ourselves, which is
the only way we know
to refer to
ourselves. We get
attached to these
images of
ourselves.”
Let’s examine the
sewers of our mind.
Until an alcoholic
‘hits bottom’ he
cannot overcome his
slavery to alcohol.
Likewise, unless we
fully experience the
slavery of our
minds, why should we
seek liberation?
When I really began
to ‘hit the bottom
of my ugly mind’, a
great sense of
uneasiness began to
grow within me. My
social persona began
to dissolve, and I
began to see in
great detail the
games I played with
people in order to
manipulate them and
get my own way, all
the while attempting
to present an image
of myself as kind,
loving, wise,
honest, and
spiritual. I saw my
judgments and
comparisons, my
jealousies and
resentments, all the
while desperately
trying to convince
myself I was
spiritually evolved.
I watched my
aggression and rage,
and then watched the
suppression of my
aggression and rage.
I watched the
conflicts within my
mind as I struggled
to forgive, still
resentful on the
outside, still
plagued by guilt
inside. I watched my
need to be perfect,
to be special, and
to be unique. I
watched myself
reacting defensively
to any assault real
or imaginary,
towards the
cherished spiritual
identity that I had
so carefully built
up over the years.
I began to witness
with utter horror
the immense insanity
and ‘ugliness’ of my
mind, which Bhagavan
defines as any kind
of self-centered
activity. I could
see this extending
into even the most
spiritual of
motivations. Was I
being good because I
was conditioned to
be good? Was I
striving to impress
someone by my
saintliness? Was I
helping because I
was afraid to say
no? Did I love
because I wanted to
be loved back? Did I
want to be
recognized for being
wise or wonderful?
Was I feeling so
empty inside that I
had to run around
from workshop to
workshop filling
myself up with every
high that came my
way? Did I talk
about dying to self
only to use it as
yet another building
block in my
spiritual edifice?
Did I want to be in
total charge of my
life, even when I
stated I was in
service to the
Divine? Did I feel
the need to even
achieve
enlightenment by my
own efforts, finally
placing the crown of
enlightenment upon
my own head?
I saw how needy and
inauthentic my
entire life had
been. I saw that
this wonderful
personality that I
thought myself to be
was nothing but a
mind-controlled
robot. As I
continued to
observe, I noticed
that over the years
I had built a whole
set of identities
around myself. The
spiritual identity
was the worst one of
them all. I was a
spiritual teacher
and a healer. I was
sensitive and
compassionate. I was
a good person. I had
a mission to heal
the world. I was
wise and loving and
deep. I saw that I
had become so
identified with this
image of myself that
these very
identities became a
mask. I found myself
carefully protecting
this image lest
someone see through
me into a place that
was vulnerable or
uncertain, angry or
lustful, unloving or
fearful, ordinary or
shallow, depressed
or shy.
I saw my desperate
needs for approval,
for acceptance, for
love. I noticed how
I was eating up the
world around me in
order to survive.
More is beautiful,
bigger is better. I
noticed how true
this was for me,
whether this had to
with a material
identity or with
spiritual
experiences. I
noticed how I was
dressing up my vices
to become virtues.
My fear of others
becomes my need for
‘solitude’. I
cultivated
‘humility’ because I
didn’t have the
courage to stand up
to abuse. I ‘loved’
because I was too
afraid to be alone.
I embarked on a
mission to ‘save the
world’ because I
didn’t have any
other planet to go
to. I couldn’t find
any love anywhere. I
recognized how
unloving I really
was, how fragile and
hollow my ego was.
I realized that I
didn’t really like
people. I related to
them for what they
could give me,
whether it was love,
things, money,
recognition, or
opportunities for
advancing myself.
Perhaps they
recognize my light
or tell me some nice
things about myself.
Or perhaps it gives
me a chance to tell
myself I’m better,
wiser, more
advanced, more
learned, more loving
than they are. Or
perhaps I get to
feel touched and
warmed by their
light, because I
really didn’t
believe in my own.
I saw that I was
forever comparing
myself to others,
and my sense of self
came from how I felt
others perceived me,
and whether I
thought I was good
enough or lovable
enough or beautiful
enough. And so of
course I had to put
on my best face at
all times. I had
lost my sense of
spontaneity and
childlike wonder. I
had lost my ability
to live from my
soul. Indeed, I
doubted if I had
ever really known my
soul. All I knew was
a spiritual
labyrinth of the
mind.
Then things got
really insidious.
Afraid of giving up
its hold, the mind
began to generate
uglier and uglier
versions of itself.
I found myself
experiencing
enormous depression,
self-condemnation,
paranoia, and pain,
desperately feeding
this last illusion
as if it were the
only thing that was
real. I found myself
re-living the deep
conditioning of
‘original sin’ from
my teenage years. I
was a worm crawling
in the dust, worthy
only of suffering.
Indeed, it was this
suffering alone that
redeemed me, and the
more I suffered the
more I was redeemed.
Suffering became the
ultimate meaning of
my life.
I went further back
to the conditioning
of my early
childhood. My needs
didn’t matter.
Others mattered
only. I didn’t exist
for myself. I was
nothing. I was
powerless. I was
empty. I suddenly
realized that my
lifelong struggle
for enlightenment
had its origins in
this longing to give
meaning to this
emptiness.
That was it. I had
reached the bottom
of the sewage tank.
There was nothing
more the mind could
churn up. I drifted
off into sleep.
During this entire
process, I felt an
enormous wave of
relief each time a
realization hit me.
It was a relief to
crawl out of my hole
of self-pity and
self-condemnation,
it was a relief to
take off the masks
of spiritual ego,
and it was a relief
to see the ugliness
of my mind so that I
no longer had to
maintain the
struggle. I saw that
the struggle was
only the ‘me’ trying
to convince itself I
was good as opposed
to something else
that was ‘not me’
that I could
identify as bad. I
was continually
projecting this bad
onto other people,
or to outer
circumstances, or to
shadow aspects of
myself that were
somehow part of my
‘subconscious self’.
When I could see
myself in all my
ugliness I could
finally come to
terms with reality.
I wasn’t frightened
by it anymore. I no
longer needed to
resist it, or even
to take it
personally. I even
became a bit bored
of the whole drama.
After all, it’s not
even my own mind.
“Strangely, when you
see your ugliness
clearly you no
longer need to act
it out. When you see
your ugliness
clearly, you no
longer need to
behave ugly”. When I
gave up trying to
‘look good’, I could
truly be myself.
The war with the
universe was over!
I invite you to
examine the sewers
of your mind. On the
other side is
freedom.
Alexis is presently
working in Mexico
City.
Please feel free to
write me at:
Website:
www.livinginoneness.com
